As The Horological Copywriter, BTD co-founder James Ren turns his proclivity for parody to the public. If you’d like to see The Horological Copywriter describe a specific watch, please post your request on Instagram. Be sure to include an image of the watch and the hashtag: #horologicalcopywriter.
The Essence of Japanese Sky
Grand Seiko 60th Anniversary Heritage Collection SBGR321 Automatic Limited Edition
All is quiet outside of Seiko harbor. The sky over the Sea of Japan is a brilliant sapphire blue with floating white clouds drifting ever so slowly towards the horizon. The Japanese people since time immemorial have taken inspiration from this blue and white of the heavens such as in traditional crafts such as Japanese indigo dye patterns over pale ivory cotton cloth. Our watchmakers have distilled the essence of the Japanese sky and bottled it up and poured it out over the dial of our 50th anniversary limited edition with its Zaratsu alabaster polished hands and indigo dial. The red of the seconds hand and the print represents the flesh of the mighty Japanese tuna, destined for our head watchmaker’s lunchbox, as we gave him a generous raise this year and he is a man of exquisite taste and refined discernment. And yes that tuna came from the Sea of Japan, which resides under the mighty sky, with its clouds ever drifting, symbolizing the connection between man and nature through meals as our head watchmaker eats tuna and is inspired to again recreate the sky with its drifting clouds hovering over his lunch of tomorrow.
A One-Eyed Oyster In The Jungle
Datejust 36 “Snoop Dogg”
This Oyster Perpetual Datejust 36 in Oystersteel features an Oyster bracelet. The watch is a versatile as the Oyster, which is the fruit of the sea, spanning eons of evolution, while retaining the enduring edible qualities that make it, notably in its traditional versions, such as Oysters Rockefeller, one of the most recognized and recognizable dishes of the wealthy and successful, who, needless to say, also wear Rolex.
This Oyster features a distinctively verdant, seaweed green, Palm Motif Oyster Dial. The Oyster Dial is the distinctive, exceptional, yet literal, face of a Rolex watch, the feature most responsible for its identity as a watch, rendering its ability to instantly tell the time. The Palm Motif Oyster Dial is a perfect alchemy of form and function, aesthetics and technology, designed to be both green and have a pattern. It is equipped with Oyster markers at each hour, a Rolex logo, and an applied crown, also exclusive to Rolex. This ingenious system allows the wearer to notice that the dial is exclusive to that of a Rolex watch, providing additional happiness in any circumstance.
Rolex uses a Cyclops lens for the watch glass. Specially developed by the brand, Cyclops lens belongs to the glass family, which is most commonly used in the construction industry for high-performance windows, and in the aerospace industry, where maximum transparency yet ability to resist air pressure changes is essential for both pilots and passengers. Cyclops lens is extremely clear, offers an exceptional magnification, and like the one-eyed giant of Greek mythology, is singular.
Electrocute Your Wrist!
G-Shock MT-G “Volcanic Lightning” Limited Edition
For some it is like an angry unicorn hopped up on PCP, for others a explosive lava-like blend of azure, amaranth, fuchsia, tangerine. Dynamic and full of electric energy, Volcanic Lightning charges up your wrist and flows onto your social media like hot fire. Like rocks becoming molten lava becoming electricity, Casio took plastic which became molten plastic which is kind of like lava and combined it with another rock called quartz which is moving kind of like the way lava moves. Then electricity is added with a battery and then, and then, BOOM. Plus colors!
In Their Own Words
Hublot Big Bang Millennial Pink
We honor The Horological Copywriter’s muse, Hublot, by letting them speak for themselves (seriously, this is their official copy).
“For some, it is powder pink or pastel; for others, a subtle blend of beige and salmon, apricot and grapefruit. Intriguing and undefinable, Millennial Pink takes its place today as a pink which is not in the exclusive realm of women, nor that of men, but truly a symbol of a completely new generation. This special hue marks a seismic shift which will change the status quo: established traditional values are being reconsidered through a lens of positivity. Pink – this pink – expresses a gentle, inclusive and confident approach to life. A fresh, young vision, full of substance, which redefines style.”
If you’d like to see The Horological Copywriter describe a specific watch, please post your request on Instagram. Be sure to include an image of the watch and the hashtag: #horologicalcopywriter.